


Nothing Says Love Like Marshmallows and Ninjas

by CatHeights



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-08
Updated: 2006-04-08
Packaged: 2017-10-05 13:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatHeights/pseuds/CatHeights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who in the universe would hurl ninjas of all things?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Says Love Like Marshmallows and Ninjas

  
The crinkling sound of plastic made Rodney hum happily as he pulled back the top of a chocolate pudding cup. He spared the setting sun a brief glance and then dug into his pocket for a spoon, making sure he didn't lose his grip on the precious treat.

Ah, success.

His mouth watered as the spoon descended toward smooth, untouched pudding, but the spoon never made its target as something hit the surface with a _plop_. Horrified, Rodney threw the cup to the ground, pudding splattering onto his pants. He tried to scramble backwards, but his foot slid on a glob of pudding, and he fell forward with a thud, knee crushing the cup. Hands braced against the smooth balcony surface, Rodney came face to face with the ominous, black item that had attacked his pudding.

A bug. It had to be a bug, probably one with some nasty stinger that would send him into anaphylactic shock, because the universe hated him so very much. Except, the thing wasn't moving, and it actually didn't look like a bug at all.

Shoulders hunched, he slowly inched a hand toward the item. "This is dumb. This is very dumb," he said as one finger touched the black thing. It felt smooth, and was that a bit of red he saw? And he swore the thing looked like it had a tiny fist. Realization made him roll his eyes, and he quickly picked the item up.

It was a damn toy soldier. No, on closer inspection, he saw it was supposed to be a ninja. "And what is this pathetic excuse for a toy ninja, not that any toy ninja wouldn't be pathetic, doing out here?" He raised his voice, expecting to see one of his scientists come stumbling out or peek down from the balcony above and make some stuttering explanation. This had dim-witted experiment written all over it.

No one answered, though, and Rodney glared at the sky. The idiot had probably run off in justified fear. No matter, he'd figure out why in the universe someone was propelling ninjas around the city. What was wrong with these people? Didn't they have enough work to do? He could fix that with many mind numbing, you just need to get in there and get your hands dirty, tasks.

With a groan, Rodney got to his feet, wincing as his pants stuck to his knee. "Oh, this is just great. Is a few moments of peace and quiet too much to ask for?"

"Depends on how long a few moments is? And I don't think you're the quiet type."

Rodney flinched and turned in the direction of the voice. "Sheppard."

"Do I want to know?"

"It's pudding," Rodney said in his don't be a moron voice. He waved a hand toward the squashed pudding cup.

Sheppard's lips quirked. "Miss your mouth?"

"You don't really think you're funny, do you?" Sheppard just crossed his arms and grinned, and Rodney rolled his eyes skyward. "Of course you do. It goes with the image." Rodney held up the ninja. "Someone launched this piece of plastic crap at me, which caused a chain of events that led to, well, this," he said, his disgusted gaze moving from his pants to the pudding-splattered ground.

"And I'm guessing you didn't hear or see anything." Sheppard stepped in close and tapped the ninja with his finger.

"Um, no, I was…" Forgetting what he was about to say because Sheppard was rolling the ninja, finger stroking Rodney's palm with each back and forth motion.

"Distracted," Sheppard said and paused. "…by pudding."

"Yes. No. I was thinking, very important thoughts. Of course all of my thoughts are very important." Oh God, he couldn't remember the last time Sheppard was this close to him. Actually, yes he could, it was about three weeks ago on that rain-soaked, seismically challenged planet the Eldellians called home. There had been that moment when he'd thought a near death experience might actually have a beneficial outcome for once, that he wouldn't be ending the day alone. He'd been wrong.

Of course maybe that was because Sheppard had been expecting him to do something. Like what? It wasn't as if he could read minds. Should he be doing something now? Sheppard was flirting, right? Not that such an action had to mean anything because Sheppard flirted with everyone and everything — including the damn Puddle Jumpers. Of course Sheppard would say that wasn't flirting, it was a pilot thing. As if. It was a nothing can resist my charm, see, look at me, thing. Oh God, what should he do?

"Uh-huh," Sheppard said. He removed his hand and took a step back. "Any thoughts on possible culprits?"

It was strange how disappointment could feel like Carson stabbing you with one of his needles – repeatedly. "A few. I'm sure whoever it is will be easy to pick out when I get back to the lab. They'll be the one cowering in fear of discovery."

Sheppard smirked, and Rodney found himself feeling a bit annoyed. "What are you doing out here anyway? Don't you have somewhere else you should be lurking about?"

"I was looking for you."

"What? You were. What for?"

"Rodney," Sheppard said, the frown as evident in his voice as it was on his face. "You do remember we switched the status reviews to this evening, don't you?"

"What? No. Yes. Damn." Rodney put a hand to his forehead for a moment before glancing down at the mess on the balcony. "I need to get changed."

Sheppard placed a hand on his back and guided him toward the doors. Rodney swore he could feel the touch straight through to his skin.

"Go get changed. I'll get this mess cleaned up."

"Oh, okay, thanks." As the doors opened, he turned, and Sheppard looked at him quizzically. Rodney swallowed and walked through the doors without another word.

 

*~*~*~*~

He made it back to his room without having to pause to speak to anyone or put up with any smart-ass comments. Apparently his death ray glare was working just fine.

Once inside, he pulled out a pair of pants and started to remove the pudding soiled ones, stumbling a bit as he got out of his shoes. Rodney paused as he slid on clean pants, his movements awkward. He realized he still had the ninja clutched tightly in one hand. His fingers relaxed slightly, and he began to roll the ninja across his palm.

He could still feel Sheppard's touch.

Actually he'd been feeling flashes of Sheppard's touch for nearly three weeks now. Ever since the ground opened up on them on Edellia, every time he grasped something he got a flash of Sheppard's hand holding onto his, rough and wet, and shaking with the strain of a stubborn refusal to let go.

Head down, Rodney sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. He remembered the rain.

_Mud welled up from the cracks, sucking stone back into its depths. The blowing rain sliced into his vision and made it hard to follow Sheppard. Rodney slid on his next step, his feet losing grip in the mud. Suddenly everything shook, and a chasm opened behind him. A tremor knocked him off his feet, and he felt himself sliding downward. _

_He tried to find something to halt his descent, but the mud slid through his fingers like butter. Oh God, he was going to die. Then a hand grabbed his arm, clutching painfully, but slowing his downward slide. He experienced a short-lived moment of relief that crumbled when he realized there was nothing for Sheppard to use as an anchor. He was going to drag John to his death too. _

_Despite the fear squeezing his throat, Rodney managed to yell, "Let go." The words snarled into the wind. _

_Rodney could see the stubbornness in Sheppard's eyes — he wasn't going to let go. More ground slipped from beneath him, and with a jerk he was pulled down further, his arm slipping in Sheppard's grip. John's fingers tightened around his, shaking with strain. There was a wrench to his shoulder that made him shout in pain, until he realized they were moving in the right direction. Oh thank God, they were moving in the right direction. _

_He felt Ronon's hands on his back yanking him onto less temperamental ground and then helping him to his feet. _

_"Are you all right?" Teyla yelled, as she assisted Sheppard. _

_Rodney nodded, too winded to attempt speech. He raised his head and when he met Sheppard's gaze, he felt like a stone had gotten lodged in his throat. Sheppard was looking at him with a mix of desperation and determination. Something had changed. _

_"We need to get out of here," Ronon said. _

_Sheppard nodded, gaze still on Rodney. "Let's go." _

_Teyla and Ronon leading the way, they resumed their trek through the rain. _

The entire way back to the Jumper, Sheppard had been close enough for Rodney to feel his breath, and there'd been a hand constantly resting on his arm or pressed lightly to his back. The mad dash for survival combined with Sheppard's touch had filled him with an immense adrenalin rush, at least until he got to the Jumper, but soon after returning to Atlantis, he'd realized that nothing had changed. It had been just another sucky, near death experience.

Nothing had changed.

Rodney shook his head. He didn't have time for this type of pointless thought. Nothing had happened then, just like nothing had happened today. That was just the way it was. There were more important matters to think about. Besides, if he hurried, he might have time to grab another pudding cup. He quickly finished dressing and left the room, absently shoving the ninja into his pocket.

 

*~*~*~*~

The second ninja whizzed past him as he was canvassing the mess hall for a late night snack. It clattered on an empty table. Once could be accidental, but twice, that was intentional. He raised his chin, jaw tight as he spoke. "Ha, ha, very funny. I'm sure you're very proud of your juvenile sense of humor. When you're done laughing to yourself, why don't you come out and actually face me."

The room remained silent.

"Coward," Rodney said and shook his head. People had far too much free time on their hands, or perhaps they were slacking off, not getting the job done. He'd have to talk to Elizabeth about a possible lack of productivity. Rodney stared at the silent room, scowling.

 

*~*~*~*~

After the third ninja landed in his coffee, he spent an hour mercilessly harassing every one of his people to no avail.

The fourth ninja hit him square in the back as he was walking down the hallway and had him storming off to Sheppard's office. He couldn't work like this. It was completely unacceptable. Head down and muttering about dangerous morons, Rodney walked right into Sheppard and stumbled.

Sheppard grabbed on to him, keeping him upright. "In a hurry, McKay?"

"You have to make this stop. It's distracting and dangerous. I'm sure the moron doing this couldn't even begin to wrap his mind around the importance of my work, so he — or she — would have no idea what I was doing when he was hurling stupid toys at me. And oh the way things could go wrong, explode, cause damage, injuries. I could get seriously hurt."

"Rodney, slow down. Take a breath, step inside my office, and then maybe you can give me the abbreviated version of what you just said."

"What's wrong with you?" Rodney asked with a glare.

"Me? Nothing. I'm not the one running around muttering about danger."

"You're breathing heavily. Did Teyla just wipe the floor with you?"

"No." Sheppard sat down. His long body was sprawled across the chair with one arm draped over the back. "So what is it I have to stop?"

Sheppard was the picture of lazy innocence, a look that usually meant he was up to something. What could he be up to? Whatever. It didn't matter. This was more important. Hand shaking with rage, Rodney dumped the four ninjas on Sheppard's desk. "This is what you need to make stop."

"You're getting quite the collection," Sheppard said, one eyebrow raised.

"This isn't amusing. I understand the need to have a little fun."

Sheppard made a sound of disbelief.

"What? I get fun. And I can take a joke, although what passes for humor amongst most people is suspect. One time, stupid but ha, ha. Two times is pushing it. But FOUR! That's the sign of a sick, twisted individual who doesn't know when to stop. It's a distraction we can't afford, not to mention…ouch!" Rodney grabbed his shoulder, wincing at the sudden muscle pain.

"Is that still bothering you?" Sheppard stood, concern on his face.

"Just muscle twinges now and then, rather painful muscles twinges, but Carson says it's minor. Of course if my arm was hanging out of its socket, he'd probably call it minor."

His hand was gently moved out of the way, and he felt Sheppard's fingers begin to massage out the soreness in his shoulder.

"This all right?"

Rodney gave a verbal hum of agreement. "Just a bit to the right," he said, moving his head slightly to give Sheppard better access. "Oh yeah, right there. Ahhh."

"Jesus, Rodney, I can feel the knots. You shouldn't be so tense."

Sheppard's breath drifted across his neck, and he couldn't help pressing backward. He froze at the additional contact. Oh God, what should he do now? Rodney wanted to turn around, take Sheppard by his shoulders and kiss him until neither of them could come up with a single objection. But that was insane. He couldn't do that. Oh, but he wanted to.

After a few awkward moments, Sheppard released his shoulder and stepped away. Rodney turned around slowly and met Sheppard's gaze, stunned by the expression on the other man's face. He'd seen that open look once before.

_Arm cradled against his chest , Rodney stumbled into the Jumper and collapsed into the seat. With a sigh, he closed his eyes. _

_"What hurts worst? The arm." _

_"Shoulder." _

_"Dislocated?" _

_"God, I hope not." Sheppard touched near his shoulder, and Rodney yelped, eyes flying open. "Hello, be careful. Injured man here." _

_"Will you stop jerking. You're just going to hurt yourself." _

_There was an uncharacteristic waver in Sheppard's voice that made Rodney pause. He glanced down at Sheppard, who was kneeling, and felt his throat tighten at the expression on John's face — so much want and need. _

_"We waste too much time," John whispered. _

_Rodney nodded, wanting to give John whatever it was he needed. _

_Teyla knelt next to them with the med kit, and Sheppard looked away. _

If only he could be completely sure he had it right, that he did know what it was Sheppard needed — that they both wanted the same thing. But how could you ever be sure? A scraping sound made him start, and he stared at Sheppard who was scooping ninjas off the desk.

"I'll take care of this. Don't worry, Rodney, this is the end of the ninjas." Sheppard tossed a ninja into the air and smiled that smile Rodney hated. The one that was so obviously false that he really shouldn't even bother. He didn't know what he'd done to deserve being on the receiving end of that smile.

"Oh, okay…um…thanks. I should get back to work." Rodney pointed toward the doorway.

Sheppard nodded.

Rodney walked over to the door and then turned back. Sheppard was staring at him. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"See ya later, Rodney."

"Yes, of course." Rodney walked away. He couldn't figure out if the need caught in his throat was his own or Sheppard's.

 

*~*~*~*~

The next 24 hours were ninja-free. Sheppard appeared to have done as he'd promised and scared the culprit off, and that was good, of course. But Rodney couldn't help wondering why the threat of his wrath wasn't enough to scare off whatever moron felt the need to hurl ninjas of all things. And why would someone do something so stupid in the first place? Then again there really was no explanation for the magnitude of stupidity some people displayed.

He was just finishing up lunch with Zelenka when Sheppard strolled by. Rodney crossed his arms, expecting a status report on the ninja investigation, but Sheppard didn't say a word. Instead, he smirked, dropped a ninja on Rodney's tray and left.

"Ha, ha, very funny," Rodney called after him. Sheppard just waved his hand in the air. So much for being taken seriously.

"Rodney…." Zelenka started before being cut off.

"Not a word. I don't want to hear a word."

"Fine." Zelenka held out his hands in a placating gesture.

Rodney stood, snatched the ninja off the tray and stormed out of the mess hall.

 

*~*~*~*~

The peace of not being the subject of some bizarre target practice lasted for another two hours. Rodney was walking down the hall toward the southwest pier when he heard what sounded like a shot, and something hit him.

"Oh god," he said, falling against the wall, his knees suddenly feeling weak. With a shaking hand, he reached toward the back of his head. It didn't hurt, but sometimes the worst injuries didn't hurt — at first.

"Rodney, are you okay?"

He hadn't even heard Sheppard approach. "No. I think I've been shot"

"Easy."

Rodney felt Sheppard's hand in his hair, and he wondered why he wasn't calling for a medic. Was it too late?

"It's just a marshmallow. See."

"A marshmallow?" Rodney stood up and snatched the item from Sheppard. He was going to kill someone. No, he was going to torture someone in many varied ways, oh so many varied ways. As soon as he manged to catch his breath, someone was going to seriously regret their stupidity.

"This was a really stupid prank."

"Gee, you think so. No one is ever going to accuse you of brilliance. I want this moron found." If they had to interrogate every single person on Atlantis, they were going to find this imbecile, and if the person was lucky, all they'd be facing was a trip back to Earth on the _Daedalus_.

"Yeah, that may have been a bit too far to go with a joke." Sheppard was looking at his feet.

Rodney thought Sheppard sounded almost guilty. Well, he should be, after all he hadn't taken things seriously enough. "I told you this was some twisted individual who just doesn't know when to stop. You should know by now to listen to me."

Sheppard put a hand on his shoulder and said, "I promise this won't happen again."

Okay, this was getting weird. Sheppard looked like he'd accidentally let a bunch of armed Genii into Atlantis, instead of not tracking down someone with a penchant for toy ninjas and marshmallows. Granted the person's behavior was dangerous, but still.

Rodney patted Sheppard on the arm. "I'm sure you'll do your best. Besides if you don't catch the culprit, I will, and then he'll be wishing you had caught him instead." Rodney clasped his hands together. "Okay, need to get going. Work to do. Idiots to manage."

"Do you want me to walk with you?"

"Why?" Rodney rolled his eyes. "Oh please don't tell me you think you need to protect me from toy ninjas and marshmallows. I think that's a bit less threatening, than I don't know, the Wraith, which I've faced. Just track down the moron before an accident happens."

"Yeah sure. I'll see you around." Sheppard said and walked away, head down.

What had gotten into Sheppard? He was beginning to think the man needed a vacation. Ah, if only the Pegasus galaxy had its version of a pleasure planet. A perfect vacation spot — one where John Sheppard would surely practice his Captain Kirk routine. On second thought, pleasure planets were so not a good idea. Pleasure planets would be bad, very, very bad.

Rodney shook his head and pointed his finger. "Time to move on. Working now." He resumed his trek down the hall.

 

*~*~*~*~

Yawning, Rodney stumbled into his room to find Sheppard sprawled across his bed.

John Sheppard was sprawled across his bed.

Nope, mentally repeating that fact didn't make it anymore comprehensible.

Sheppard sat up. "I figured I should turn myself in."

"What?" His brain caught up with his mouth, and he realized Sheppard was holding some sort of toy gun. No. "You!"

"Yeah." Sheppard looked sheepish. "I thought everyone could use a little break. Some fun. So the last time the _Daedalus_ made a trip back to Earth, I put in an order for a couple of ninja catapults and some marshmallow shooters. And well once I got them, I figured I should test them out."

"So you practiced on me!"

"It kind of got out of hand. I'm really sorry 'bout that." Sheppard held up the marshmallow shooter. "Do you know this version actually has a laser sight? It was optional, but how could you not get that? But," he drew out the word. "I didn't use the laser sight because I thought it would scare the crap out of you."

Sheppard actually looked like he expected Rodney to be impressed by his restraint. As if.

"You've lost your mind. You do realize you're insane, right? You're not on drugs are you?"

"I ordered extra ammo." Sheppard smirked, put the gun down and reached for a plastic bag, tearing it open. "Marshmallow?" he offered.

"Why? Are they the cause of your insanity? Drugged marshmallows." Rodney's eyes narrowed. "Or are they some special type of marshmallow that explodes in your mouth, turning your tongue blue or something?"

Sheppard laughed. "No, they're just ordinary mini-marshmallows." He tossed one in his mouth, chewed and swallowed. "See, perfectly safe."

Rodney held out his hand. "Fine. But this doesn't mean I'm not still considering dragging you down to Carson to find out if you've suffered some sort of breakdown."

"Understood."

Sheppard got off the bed and walked over to him, but instead of offering the bag, he took out a marshmallow and placed it against Rodney's lips. Rodney's eyes widened, and for a second, he just stared at Sheppard. Then he opened his mouth accepting the marshmallow and feeling the graze of Sheppard's finger against his tongue.

"Another?"

"Yes." This time when Sheppard's finger passed his lips, Rodney sucked on it. He watched as Sheppard's mouth opened, his breathing growing heavy. This definitely meant something. After all, there was flirting, and then there was this — whatever this was.

Enough. He knew what needed to be done. Rodney reached up and put his hands on Sheppard's shoulders and kissed him. John tasted sweet, with more than a hint of need. He was everything Rodney wanted.

The bag of marshmallows hit the floor, as Sheppard's hands wrapped around Rodney.

"You're cleaning that up later," Rodney said between kisses.

"Whatever."

They stopped kissing for a moment to catch their breaths, John's forehead resting against his. "So this — the ninjas, the marshmallows — was your way of saying you like me. You should have tried a direct approach because that was so incredibly lame," Rodney said, as he slid a hand beneath Sheppard's black t-shirt.

John pressed a kiss against the side of Rodney's mouth. "Hey, I apologized. Can't we move past that?"

He felt Sheppard's hands against his ass, pressing him in closer. "Hmmm, maybe."

"Maybe?" Sheppard said and nudged him toward the bed.

Sheppard paused by the bed and stripped off his t-shirt. Rodney quickly shed his shirt too, and then dragged John onto the bed with him. Feeling John's warm skin beneath his hands, and John's mouth pressed against his body, Rodney found that maybe was actually yes. And if there were mini-marshmallows all over his floor, so what? No big deal. Well, they could always be cleaned up later.

Rodney felt John's tongue licking along the line of his waistband, and then a finger tugging at the zipper of his pants, and he thought, much, much later.

It had taken over three weeks, but finally a near death experience had produced something worthwhile.

 

*~*~*~*~

Eyes partially closed, Rodney ran his fingers through John's hair. He thought it might be nice to spend an entire day like this, having John sprawled across him. There of course would be interspersed bouts of sex, and maybe a few food breaks, but otherwise, just both of them lying here relaxed. It really was a pleasant thought. Or at least it was until John suddenly sat up, elbowing him in the process.

"Hey!"

"I need to grab something," Sheppard said leaning over the edge of the bed.

Rodney appreciated the view it gave him of John's ass, until he realized what it was Sheppard had grabbed — the damn marshmallow shooter. John was now sitting on the bed, naked, with the shooter across his lap.

"Okay, that is so disturbing." Rodney struggled to get under the sheets. It was cold without Sheppard's body draped over his.

"Just hear me out. Do you think you could give me greater range on this thing?" He handed the shooter to Rodney, who accepted it like he was afraid there might be superglue on it.

"Why, so you can shoot me from farther away?"

"I told you that won't happen again. I will never use this on you. I just want to shoot other people." John smiled brightly and quickly added, "In a game setting of course where they'll be aware that there is a danger of being hit with marshmallows."

"That's good to know," Rodney said. He turned the shooter around a few times and then handed it back to Sheppard. "Yes, I can improve your ridiculous shooter, but if you hit Ronon, you're so on your own."

Sheppard laughed. "I'll make sure Ronon's on our side. But only you and I will have the special, souped-up versions."

Rodney tapped a finger on John's thigh. "Actually I think I might build my own."

"What?"

"And of course when it's finished, I'll need someone to test it on. And who might that be, hmmm." Rodney gave Sheppard a sharp smile.

"Rodney…."

Why that sounded like a bit of panic in John's voice. Ah, inciting fear felt good. Rodney took the shooter off of Sheppard's lap and tossed it to the floor. Then he tackled Sheppard, straddling him. "If I'm in a good mood, maybe I'll let you have a head start before I begin shooting."

A determined kiss cut off anything John might have said. It wasn't long before Sheppard was moaning beneath him, pressing upward for more contact, the threat forgotten. This was perfect. Just how Rodney liked it: sex first, revenge later.  


____The End____

With Special Guest Stars:  
[The Marshmallow Shooter](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v244/CatHeights/marshmallowsandninjas/marshmallow_shooter.jpg) and [The Ninja Catapult](http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v244/CatHeights/marshmallowsandninjas/ninja_launcher.jpg)  



End file.
